Frampton's When Good Earls Go Bad (Dukes Behaving Badly Series 1.5)
Stars: Excellent ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (FREAKING HILARIOUS DIALOGUE; hot hero; awesome heroine; heroine is my spirit animal)
Heat rating: 🔥🔥🔥 (see the SEX-AND-SPOILERS section, but it’s a novella so there’s only so much you can do within the limited # of pages, but don’t let that stop you!)
WARNING. DO NOT READ MEGAN FRAMPTON BOOKS IF YOU HAVE TO PEE. I am not joking. Her books will make you laugh out loud and you will have to pray those kegel exercises are working. Also, do not read her books in the middle of the night when you have to get up early for work the next day, because you will laugh and wake up your partner and he will be grumpy (don’t ask how I know this, okay?). Her publisher needs to put a bladder warning on these books. I’m not kidding when I said I laughed out loud multiple times.
So, I actually found Megan Frampton on Twitter after I started my blog. Her tweets are awesome so I figured I’d try her books. Found out I’d already read one of them and really liked it. So I dug deeper into her writing and got hooked. I basically spent the last couple weeks reading her books and howling with laughter. Follow her Twitter. She’s awesome AF.
This is a novella, and is part of the Dukes Behaving Badly series. There are five novels and two related novellas. I am sure, Constant Reader, that you’ve figured out that this is one of those novellas, because I just said that, didn’t I . . . anyway, Squirrel had a long day of work, plus reviewing, so yeah, we’re fine.
Anyway . . .
You met Annabelle Tyne and the Quality Employment Agency in the first book in the series, The Duke’s Guide to Correct Behavior. Annabelle is one of the trio of proprietors (proprietresses? proprietri?), who include Lily (now the Duchess of Rutherford) and Caroline (who is sometimes Carolyn in the books, I think?). I may as well give a little more about the series now:
As I mentioned above, the series is Dukes Behaving Badly and it’s A+. I will be eventually reviewing all of the books, no worries. Annabelle shows up several times in the first book! Although that book comes before this one, you don’t HAVE to read it first (I say read it first, though, so do that and come back. I’ll wait . . . ). So let’s call this one book 1.5. Next is Put Up Your Duke, which is one of the best books I’ve read. Then comes One-Eyed Dukes are Wild, which made me laugh until I thought I broke something. Then we have another novella, No Groom at the Inn, which I also loved. The final book is Why Do Dukes Fall in Love?, which is delightful and capped off a phenomenal series. This series is definitely 4½ stars and you’ll want to reread them, so go ahead and buy them now!
Okay, back to our regularly scheduled program:
So, first of all, the chapters start with a guide to household management, and they’re hilarious. Don’t skip them. I know that we sometimes skim over chapter starts in books, but these are worth reading. For instance:
“A Belle’s Guide to Household Management: Despite what you might have heard, a whistle is not particularly clean. Do not use it to gauge the state of your home.”
#BigFacts
Secondly, you will love Annabelle. Annabelle is my spirit animal. Annabelle has the same SQUIRREL! problem that I do (Long-time MAR readers know ALLLLLL about Squirrel). For those of you who do not: I get easily distracted and embark on the world’s most random tangents. So does Annabelle. So I immediately loved her (and understood her). There are only a small few people who can understand and love folks like us, so I was firmly #TeamAnnabelle from the beginning. When MF mentions “the kind of strangled hush that most people seemed to speak after some time conversing with her” (Loc 54), I knew she was my people. Ask any of my friends. They know this, intimately. Love y’all for sticking by me!
So, as I mentioned, she runs the Quality Employment Agency. She’s at work alone when a man comes in and says the Earl needs a housekeeper RIGHT NOW. Well, they don’t have anyone available, so the man threatens to never use the agency again, so . . . much like her friend and co-owner Lily in the first book, Annabelle has to jump into the breach.
She packs a couple dresses, The Pickwick Papers (hell, you never know when that might come in handy), and a feather duster (ALWAYS handy, heyyyyyy) but has to leave her cat (named Cat, didn’t I tell you that I LOVE this woman?), and heads to the Earl’s newly rented townhouse.
So, note. She’s the owner of a business. She ain’t a housekeeper. But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. So . . . “even if she wasn’t technically a housekeeper, she wouldn’t let the house go, so she wasn’t a housgiverwayer or anything, so if she could just ensure the house was kept, she felt certain, confident even, that he would never know” (Loc. 97). Exactly. That makes perfect sense to me.
So she spends the evening cleaning up and preparing for the Earl, who shall be showing up the next day. Except he doesn’t. He shows up that night, has a party by his lonesome with a bottle of whisky, pulls off his clothes, and climbs into his bed. Yeah, except it’s not his bed. The bed his housekeeper is fast asleep in.
Okay, I’m sorry, Squirrel needs a minute. So, I am not a whisky fan. I’m an IPA beer girl. More bitter the better. My love hates my beer choice, and always complains about how vile IPAs are—who told you to taste my beer, my dude? Anyway, I went to Ireland in 2013 with a dear friend and it was one of the best times of my life. We spent a week there, and about halfway through, I had a delightful pre-dinner Irish whiskey/Scottish whisky (the E makes a difference, I’m telling you; just roll with me here) tasting flight while my buddy was upstairs reading her book. Needless to say, when she came down, the whisk(e)y had done the job and I was feeling mighty fine. Shout out to the waiter at either Ashford Castle or Dromoland Castle—we stayed at both and loved them, plus Squirrel has honestly forgotten which one had the tasting—which means the whisk(e)y did its job so, hell, everyone, STAY AT BOTH like I did. 😊 Also warning, I love Ireland and I absolutely claim the 2%-6% that Ancestry DNA says flows in my blood. No, this book isn’t about Ireland, but YOU KNOW SQUIRREL. Strap in and enjoy the ride.
WHERE ON EARTH WERE WE?
Oh yeah. Now, I like Matthew, Earl of Selkirk. First of all, he’s Scottish, so I feel like he talks like David Tennant (y’all know how I feel about him; however, Squirrel didn’t lead me into a discussion of Doctor Who THIS TIME, so you’re welcome). Secondly, he’s all about logic, which is meeeeeeeeeeeeeee. He applies logic to “even the most miniscule of tasks” (Loc. 203). So, I am a supremely logical person. It keeps me sane. And anyone else like that is also my people. That being said, one of his logical decisions was to pull off his clothing and jump into bed (okay, sure, in most cases, that’s a great idea)—but in this case, Annabelle was already in it. Did I mention that he was singing? Of course he was.
So, yeah, he sobers up fast AF when she sits up, asking him who he is. She soon learns, and she’s astonished because the Scottish Earl is hot as sin. And apparently he has a body that don’t quit as well. I’m getting some Sam Heughan vibes off him. Matthew is astonished that the housekeeper isn’t old and dumpy, but a curvy young blond, whose curly hair makes him want to straighten it. They’re instantly attracted to each other and, frankly, irritated by the fact, lol. Grab your popcorn.
He jumps out of the bed and my girl Annabelle, rather than clutching her pearls, “rather wished she had gotten a chance to see what his legs looked like” (Loc. 255). Yasssssss. Anyway, he suggests they dress and meet downstairs to discuss it. Like I said, my dude got sober in a second, which reminds me of college when my friends always made me talk to the cops since all the cops liked me and I could carry on a conversation with them while everyone else was bleary eyed and drooling. Anyway, Matthew sounds about as irritated as I was in those situations, so I feel for my man.
Oh wait, he has 4 sisters. Dude, you know the drill (younger sister here). But OMFG, y’all, Matthew is extra as hell. So he’s in the buff with a good looking woman. And he feels kind of weird: “. . . and an unfamiliar feeling rose up, making him feel flushed, or as though he had a fever. He certainly hoped he was not catching ill” (Loc. 284). REALLY? I fell over laughing. Matthew, darling, you’ve got a LOT to learn. Yeah, that’s not a cold.
So he tells her to go back to bed and she offers to clean the master bedroom and he comes out with the most me line EVER: “I do not prefer. If I did prefer, that is what I would have asked you to do. I did not, and therefore you may assume I do not wish for that. I will ask for what I want, I assure you” (Loc. 302). THANK YOU! This is me and would someone please explain this to my partner, who hasn’t figured this out in ELEVEN YEARS. I do not hint. If I want something, I WILL TELL YOU. (Down, Squirrel, down.) Lol, anyway, Annabelle hears this and remembers, and you know she’s gonna bring it up later.
She goes to bed and he drinks the rest of his whisky and sleeps on the cramped sofa, waking up grumpy as all get out with a headache (I feel bad for y’all folks who lived before Gatorade). He hears her moving around and rushes to get clothes on because he doesn’t want to “repeat the nearly naked-in-front-of-the-housekeeper experience.” Squirrel wants me to tell you about when I unintentionally flashed the window cleaners on the 7th floor of my office building, but I am pretty sure you don’t need to hear that. ANYWAY . . . like I said, he’s hung over and grumpiest, and the thought of her sleeping cozy “was enough to put him in an even worse mood, for no good reason.” Bruh, that’s not no good reason. That’s horniness. Sigh.
And now they’re in a groove, kinda. He’s learned that she cannot cook (I told you, she’s my spirit animal). She’s not sure he’s actually an Earl, because he knows how to do things for himself. He’s used to being alone and likes quiet and privacy, yet she spent some time “following him around and talking, nonstop, about what she’d done the night before, what she planned to do today, and what she had hopes for on the morrow” (Loc. 391) and holy crap, he’s smiling about it. Damn, Matthew, you gonna learn TODAY. Also, I love him because he believes in my philosophy: “he didn’t see the point of her dusting all of the bedrooms, given that only the two of them were in the house. It was practical to just keep the rooms tidy that one wished to use” (Loc. 394). THANK YOU! That’s my housekeeping in a nutshell!
WHY is he in London anyway? He’s doing some recon/research for his uncle (who has a bank) regarding an investment in silk. What a good nephew! But yeah, my guy is about to be buried in silk. But, see, Matthew is such a realist—he’s not rich as Croesus, but still feels he has enough, so he’s not obsessed with growing his fortune. But he’s helping his uncle make that bread. And hol’ up, Uncle Jonas also has some plans—there’s a woman he wants nephew dearest to meet. Lawdhammercy, there’s nothing worse than relations trying to fix you up. That being said, Matthew brought this on himself, as he mentioned he would be planning on a wife eventually. Though he’s met an attractive housekeeper who knows just how he likes his tea . . .
Haha, I’m dead. He comes home and she tells him to watch his step, since she just mopped. Okay, this is seriously not housekeeper territory anymore, she’s acting like a wife. And he’s following along! Hopping to the dry spots on the floor. Usually, all of this is done in the background so the master of the domain honestly has zero idea it’s going on. But not our girl Annabelle. The thing is, it works. He’s not a pretentious Earl. And she’s delightful. And then all of a sudden, he doesn’t want to go to his uncle’s house to meet a potential Countess. He wants to stay at his rented house with his rented housekeeper. And it’s starting to hit him that she actually seems to care: “nobody but her had ever asked, with any sincerity, how he was feeling” (Loc. 510).
Anyway, he’s sighing because he’s all in his head, and she is thinking it’s her. Okay, let me bust in here to say: I feel you, Annabelle. “She knew full well that she could be both annoying and irritating” (Loc. 520). Same, girl, same. Annabelle doesn’t know that she’s got her own Squirrel that just races from thing to thing. My guy and I can be talking about car batteries, and then a minute later, I pop up with something about Grogu. To someone who doesn’t speak Squirrel, this is confusing. But if you want, I can tell you how my mind raced from batteries to the Mandalorian with an incredibly logical, but light speed, train of thought. This is one reason this novella has my heart—somehow, MF encompassed the two facets of my personality in her characters. I am Spock and Squirrel simultaneously.
So Matthew tells her he’s going to meet a lady later and yeah, that smarts. He’s being honest about the fact that he knows he has to get married, and she busts out with “what about love?” Okay, MF, that just took me way back and now I’m singing Heart. (Yeah, I know Heart didn’t originally record the song, but c’mon y’all, you KNOW you remember that video, especially that badass beret AND FINGERLESS GLOVES. Okay, that was the pinnacle of style. My buddy wore fingerless gloves to her wedding. I thought that was amazing. I won’t even lie; I would rock them still. I might still have some. You don’t know.)
So, there’s some Annabelle history, which is probably why she isn’t married (since, apparently, everyone was then, eye roll). She is a “fallen woman.” His name was Charles, he took advantage and did her wrong. I. HATE. CHARLES.
Anyway (Constant Reader, you know that’s my go-to word, sorry), Matthew goes to his uncle’s house, meets the lady in question, feels nothing for her, and starts doing some serious thinking about happiness, which he’d never really imagined before. Oh yeah, sounds like Matthew has a case of the Annabelles.
So it’s a week later and things are plodding along. Matthew is staring at Annabelle. She doesn’t have much to do at the house, so she’s spending some time at the agency. He’s coming home late and they’re barely talking, but there’s tension in the air now. Then, one day, things are a little different. He’s home earlier than usual. Not only that, he’s making jokes and asking her to have dinner with him. They end up at a tavern, where he sees how Annabelle can talk to people and put them at ease, and finds himself comparing her to the proper young lady his uncle is trying to fix him up with and . . . Annabelle is winning. The best thing is that Matthew is changing. “He was not spontaneous, he was not particularly lustful, and he seldom entertained inappropriate thoughts. And yet here he was, doing all three” (Loc. 679). Oh, and they end up touching hands and he realizes that she’s not actually a housekeeper by the state of her fingers. So she fesses up that she’s “Miss Tyne, nonhousekeeper . . . partial owner of the Quality Employment Agency.”
I told you he had a bad case of the Annabelles, but looks like the temperature is rising, because now he’s thinking about going home and reading WITH HER, drinking tea and . . . gasp, there’s a cat (now, he doesn’t know about Cat, yet, but his cozy fantasy includes a cat). Books and tea and cats? I want to marry this man right this second. Plus, I told you, in my mind, he looks like Sam Heughan. Droooooool. Oh, and then this man, this logical, dry as dust, barely talking, never smiling or joking, impassive hunk of man, backs her up against a wall and kisses her. Great God! “Matthew could count on one hand the number of times he’d acted impulsively. One finger would suffice, and that was only because he had begun to kiss her just now. Previously, his could would have taken no hands” (Loc. 781). Bwahahaha, I told you, I love Megan Frampton’s writing. But, of course, he catches himself and starts to draw away and apologize, but Annabelle ain’t having it. She wants to keep kissing him and she’s not taking no for an answer. And heyyyyyy, they’re pressed together in all the right places, or as MF says, “at the most delicious places” (yup, I’m using that term from now on), and we learn something more about our man—he’s new at things. MF says he’s indulged, but not to completion. Which makes us wonder, how far, or not, has he gone? Inquiring minds wanna know.
Anyway, he’s back to being gentlemanly (sigh), when Annabelle turns his words back on him:
“If I hadn’t wanted you to kiss me, I wouldn’t have engaged you in a kiss. Isn’t that your logic? ‘If I had wanted a cook, I would have hired one,’ ” she said, lowering her voice and trying for a Scottish accent, which she mangled very badly. (Loc. 807)
Raise your hand if you read that aloud in a terrible Scottish accent. I am only 5% Scottish (thank you, Ancestry DNA), have never been to Scotland, and the extent of my having a Scottish accent is me yelling “MILLER!” with David Tennant while watching Broadchurch (which is an amazing show. C’mon, you got Tennant able to use his natural accent, which he couldn’t do on Doctor Who, and Olivia Colman being THE GOAT—sigh, she’s amazing—and the second season has Eve Myles, and those are just THREE of the amazing actors in this series. If you’ve not watched the show, please rectify that immediately). I love David Tennant, if you haven’t noticed from the fact that I find a way to mention him in almost every review.
So yeah, they’re kissing in public. But Annabelle wants to take that to somewhere private (they’re living in the same house so WHY. ARE. YOU. STILL. ON. THE. STREET!?). And remember, Annabelle is no virgin, plus she’s smart. She knows about protection (as MF puts it, “she knew precisely what she could do to keep herself from being permanently fallen”). So they start to stroll along and . . . he asks her if he can get her opinion on something. Um, okay? Note, in the two seconds of silence, her brain goes all over the place, to gout and smelly fish. I love her.
Anyway (told ya!) he wants to consult with her on silks because, well, he’s a guy and she’s a woman so she must know about silk right? She says she will help, which we knew would happen because (1) she’s helpful and (2) she’s falling for an “earl of the Scottish persuasion.” So, soon, they’re drowning in silks and she’s making up a story for each of them (of course) and he’s trying not to snuff some of the 10 million candles she has lit: “Because he wasn’t certain at that point if he wanted to be economical or if he just wanted to be in the dark with her” (Loc. 878). My dude, you know the truth. And I gotta give my man props, because, wait, did he just make a move? He calls her by her first name and puts her hand on his chest. Okay, he’s a slow starter, but he knows how to get moving. Oh but, it occurs to her that she doesn’t know his first name. AWKWARD! And when he tells her, she goes full Annabelle, and starts asking him if it’s a family name and then tries to get him to talk about his family. Um, this ain’t the time. But that’s okay, he thinks she is delightful, and awkwardly and so very formally asks her if she wants to do him. Of course, not in that way at all.
“She couldn’t laugh. Even though she really, really wanted to, just for the sheer ridiculousness of it—him sitting there, all confused and gorgeous and proper, asking her to ‘explore an attraction,’ as though it were an exhibit at a museum.” (Loc. 955)
So when she agrees (of course she agreed, seriously, this man is hot AF and quirky and adorable), HE. PICKS. HER. UP. AND. CARRIES. HER. UPSTAIRS. Thank you for achieving the peak of my romance heights, my summit of Everest, the guy who carries the woman to bed. Damn you, Moonstruck. YOU did this to me in 1987. When Ronny picked up Loretta, we all swooned: “Where are you taking me? To the bed.” That is the gold standard, y’all. Anyway, Constant Reader, you know what to do. New Readers, if you’re confused by that cryptic instruction, that means head on down to the Sex-and-Spoilers section!
Anyway, afterward, they fall asleep together and he’s so happy and utterly content until he wakes up cold and alone. And remembers what happened. He’s concerned that maybe she’s regretful and miserable, but nope, when he gets downstairs, she singing and making his tea just like he likes it and burning his toast. Everything is copacetic (that phrase is something I picked up from reading James Lee Burke and it has stuck). And even more astonishing, she’s teasing him and HE LIKES IT. And seriously, Annabelle has taken a turn of her own because she wants to cook him dinner. The woman who cannot even make toast. IT IS LOVE! (Squirrel wants everyone to know that I now think I am a 5-star chef because I followed the HelloFresh directions and my ravioli was da bomb. But I cook about as well as Annabelle makes toast, so she would have appreciated HF, I bet.) Spoiler: she really doesn’t know how to cook, so he has to take over. He’s definitely a keeper. Oh, and he’s also looking at her like she’s dessert.
So, of course, it’s time for him to feast. And y’all know the drill. Head to the S-and-S. But I can tell you here that MF’s description of the scene is fire. It’s fun and exciting and ultimately fulfilling for everyone involved. And he tells her not to leave him in the night (aw), though “she was absolutely startled and wanted to wake him up to ask him questions about why not and why her and why now, but she knew that he wouldn’t be able to answer her satisfactorily, plus it didn’t really matter, except it did, because it was him and her and she hadn’t even thought it was a possibility” (Loc. 1400). Yes, Annabelle, exactly (Huh? You didn’t understand that? Made sense to Squirrel!). And yeah, she has cause to be concerned, because he’s an earl and she’s a woman in trade and what he’s come to London for (assisting his uncle) is wrapping up. So, the logical outcome is that they will part ways and he will marry a suitable lady and start begetting those heirs, and she will never see him again. Right?
Ahhh, remember, this is a HEA and the author has some tricks up her sleeve. So you’ll have to read the novella to find out what happens!
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Time for the SEX-AND-SPOILERS section.
Reminder, don’t continue if you don’t want to hear about sex and/or you don’t want to hear about the ending. Second reminder: these are primarily HEAs, which means H (Hero) and h (heroine) are getting together before the last page. So you know it’s coming, pun intended (I have killed that pun, but it’s just too delicious to abandon).
It’s a novella, so we get two on screen interactions. One is of oral sex/masturbation and one is intercourse. Well-written and spicy fun. Megan Frampton’s writing is an absolute treat to read. You’ll get excited and you’ll laugh at the same time. Perfection!
Sex (and a spoiler or two)
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Okay, so this book is definitely a bit unique in the fact the h is not a virgin, but the H is. I’m telling you, he’s Spock! And I love him for it. MF had me laughing when she says that, when his business contacts invited him to a brothel, he declined and said he’d prefer to go home and read. Is he perfect, or what?
This first sex scene is adorable. He’s undressing and throwing clothes on the floor, but “if his housekeeper complained how messy he was, he could always threaten to put his shirt back on” (Loc. 1032). Lmao, I told you Megan Frampton was funny.
So yeah, sounds like Matthew has gone to maybe third base before, but never made it to the plate. Thank you, Glamour, for having a helpful explanation of the bases euphemism. God, I love the internet!
Annabelle is comfortable with herself and her sexuality and what she wants and I am here for it. Good for her and good for MF giving us a heroine who will take what she wants. Like we mentioned before, she also knows they don’t need an unwanted pregnancy, so they do not have actual intercourse at this time. She pleasures him with her mouth and hand and . . . that feather duster (I told ya), as a beginning to their explorations. He is concerned that she didn’t get her own pleasure, but she’s like, no worries, next time (awwww), and they fall asleep.
So, this is a novella, and you’re not going to get pages of description, but it holds its own.
So the next scene is when they finally go all the way. And I love Annabelle. She asks him to touch himself, and that’s exciting to them both. And she comes prepared—she visited Caroline at the business to get a condom. She’s ready! Lol, she’s got to coach him because it’s his first time at bat, but that’s okay. I love MF’s descriptions. They’re just the right mix of erotic plus hilarious. For instance, he thinks, “It went on for a lifetime, or at least five minutes” (Loc. 1355). I giggled out loud. He tries to broach the subject of her own fulfillment, and admits she was his first. He knows she didn’t slide into home plate (there’s no baseball on so I am caught up in baseball euphemisms, lol), so he rectifies it by making a meal out of her. And clearly he’s a natural. Kudos on the description of this entire scene.
They get it on again, but off screen.
SPOILERS BELOW. BEWARE!
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Some spoiler-y things
He’s grumpy, he seems cold, but he’s not. He listens to her even when she prattles on, and he remembers the things she’s said. And when he finally gets down on one knee (though she didn’t think that was a possibility, earls of the Scottish persuasion will marry whoever TF they want, thank you very much), he even has Cat there to help him! The ring is gaudy, but that’s okay! Annabelle gets to meet his sisters (off-screen but they are all Karen Gillan to me). I want more about the sisters!
Love this novella. READ IT!
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